I’ll Go.

Little Sidnie wanted it all. 

A girl with dreams so vast they couldn’t fit in her head

Sprouting from her mind like roots from a tree

Spilling onto paper with lead, crayons, and finger paints

She wanted to be a fashion designer, and the model that wore the clothes

She wanted to be a songwriter, and the singer who sang the song

She wanted to be an actress, and the writer who wrote the lines

Her imagination like wildfire, everything she touched transformed

Once dull movements of daily life,

Now immeasurable ambitions and desires 

Little Sidnie didn’t want to see the world

She wanted to hold it in the cusp of her palm and watch as it overflowed into her lap

She wanted to catch it as it slipped through the cracks in her fingers 

And squeeze it until it bled from the crevices of her hands

The universe was simply hers for the taking

Life was only a playground

She danced through her days with a hunger for experience 

And she didn’t doubt for a moment that one day she’d get to feel it all. 

That’s why

When every anxious bone in my body begs me to stay

When every third thought in my mind theorizes the heartache of leaving 

When thoughts of leaving the ones I love behind paralyze my heart 

I still choose to go. 

It’s because of her I know how to love 

It’s her who taught me the importance of dreaming 

She is where i find myself when in any darkness

I have to hold the world in the palm of my small hands

And squeeze it tight, and let it drip through my fingers

I will experience it all

I will feel everything

Not for her 

I can’t do anything for Little Sidnie that she hasn’t already done for herself 

Because I don’t exist without her

We are tethered 

We move through life with only time separating us 

Not space 

There is no fear in the universe large enough to overshadow her light  

There is no doubt strong enough to tear us apart 

I can’t live in spite of her

I won’t 

I live because of her

And so, I’ll go.